All these things were weighing on my mind, and have been for the last year, it seems that once you decide to take a step in a different direction in life there are so many conditional aspects, well if i do this then this will need to happen first and it turns into a big juggling conundrum of part faith that the universe will get me through and another part made up of a hell of a lot of hard work.
Well all this created a mindset inside of me that said "shit" i don't know if i can pull this off, it was fear that things were not possible. In result to this i created an idea of reaching an end point in which i would be free of obligation or worry because all of the hurdles would be over. We call it a holiday.
"if i can just hold out till the holidays then i can have a break" is what i would say. And then the holidays come round and low and behold there is still a feeling of more things to worry about. More things i need to take care of, tax, work, webpage, every other things that there was not enough time for in school.
This was that moment when it dawned on me that there will always be pressure in life, there will always be tasks need doing, friends you need to call, something you have to wait for so that you can move forward with an idea. Given this knowledge that there will always be something creating a stress "on the mind". I realised that the pressure i felt it was not from outside stressors, it was my perception of those events that created stress. I was literally creating the stress in my head.
Instantly i was able to feel great about having so many things going on in my life. My "mind" decided that it would not see it as a stress but in actual fact a life that it had created for itself. A life that it had actually asked for. Now i know many people would say "well daaahhhhhhh of course you mind is creating the stress," it is not all these other things you are doing that is creating the stress, it is you. Just like the brain decides if it is feeling pain or not, it decides if it is feeling stress. There may or may not actually be a stimulus that causes the pain, it might actually just be the brain creating the idea of pain. I am not sure if that analogy makes sense for those who did not realise that your brain is not just the receiver of pain but also the creator of physical pain if it believes it should be experiencing pain. Very miraculous the way our brain works. It does it all for a reason, including the stress. Stress is a necessary part of life, if their is no stress created in a system it can not respond to stimuli. Personally I had created stress as a learned behaviour to respond to the environment it had created, What is the problem with that you may ask. Well i was responding out of fear, fear was creating the stress, fear of not achieving, fear of failure, fear of not being loved, fear of the idea that i was not what i had perceived myself to be capable of. Driven by fear i have come along way, it has served me very well, but ultimately you can see that it has also created doubt uncertainty, and worry. I am at a turning point right now where i wish to create stress in my world so that i can respond to my environment and not be aloof to the world. I want to create the stress from a place of opportunity, opportunity to show the true potential of what i can achieve, opportunity to express the love for everyone, opportunity to learn, grow and evolve as a person. A stress that is born in desire and eagerness for more. Can you see how we need to change the perception of stress as not always being bad, but as serving us for a reason. Stress is not bad, it is the result of our own creation, it serves to balance a worry, a desire, a fear, or love for someone or something that we may be experiencing.
So in the end i became quite motivated to not be fearful of all that needed to be done, but i began to trust that if and when it was needed it would happen. Still part trust in the universe and part hard work. I can not believe i would ever refer to my self as a hard worker. Wow things have really changed. such a joy this life is.